This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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