im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
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Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
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I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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