im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
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So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
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There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize