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I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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