I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
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He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
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the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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