nut hugger
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
You pole danced in your parka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I have fence marks all over my body
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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