jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
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Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
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I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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