Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Randomize