sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
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Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
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BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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