My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
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