Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize