if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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