I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have to summon your inner elephant
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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