Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
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she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Brb crying the tears of my youth
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
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I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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