he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
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I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
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Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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