tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize