and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
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Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
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i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
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