My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize