I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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