I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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