party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize