just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
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I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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