its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize