i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
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Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
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you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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