My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
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You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
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I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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