I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Vodka?
Forever.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize