According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
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