So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
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were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
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We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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