when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Sorry my hands just texted you
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
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