It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
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came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
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debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
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