i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize