First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
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