I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I booty called her while she was in labor.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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