You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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