I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize