It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
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Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
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You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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