I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
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