dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
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Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
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