Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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