omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize