I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize