I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
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I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
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How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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