He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
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Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
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It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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