You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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