I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
i love accidental penises.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
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fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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