Tell her she can't have a vagina
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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