Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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