I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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