the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
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well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
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But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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