Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
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On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
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You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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